A Simple Way to Heal Fear of Abandonment

simple healing tools Jan 15, 2019

The other day a woman in our community reached out to me. She said that after losing her loved one, her number one struggle is "worrying that everyone I love will die or leave me in some way."

I was reminded of an article I wrote several years ago so I thought I'd share it again.  It's an important one! 

Note: The "someone close to my heart" mentioned in the article is now my husband and baby-daddy - This stuff really works. ;) 

 

How I Healed My Fear of Abandonment: 

 

Sometimes, when I least expect it, another layer of my grief pops up to the surface to be healed.


I was recently gifted with an opportunity to re-deal with some sticky abandonment issues left over from my mom's death -which was likely a suicide.
  
Someone really close to my heart left for a few weeks on vacation and my stress level increased to a place I knew (consciously) wasn't appropriate for the present-moment situation.

It was time to practice what I teach.

Here's what I...

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Who else needs better boundaries?

simple healing tools Dec 12, 2018

This morning one of the women in our community reached out to me. She is in deep grief this holiday season and finding it challenging to keep up with the usual expectations such as attending holiday parties and family gatherings. 

She hasn't yet responded to several invitations because she really wants to say no but doesn't know how. She wants to see the people who are inviting her but isn't feeling like a party - she wants to keep things quieter this year to honor where she's at. 

We chatted for a while back and forth and in the end we came up with a little script for saying no that felt right for her. 

I'm going to share it with you so you have something to go on if this pops up for you. 

"I'm so grateful that you invited me to your party. I'm looking forward to being with you in someway this holiday season. But this year, with all that's been going on, I am feeling really overwhelmed and having too many places to go feels like too...

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I'll never forget this moment...

simple healing tools Dec 05, 2018
 

One of the first holidays after losing my boyfriend and mom, I was Christmas shopping at the mall.

There I was, riding down the escalator with my hands full of bags when "Little Drummer Boy" began to play on the loud speaker.

It was one of my mom's favourite Christmas songs and it set me off something fierce. 

The tears bubbled up and bursted out of me. And there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. 

My arms were laden with bags so wiping my eyes wasn't an option. And, there was nowhere to run (I so wanted to run). 

I felt totally exposed and like everyone was looking at me. 

I wish I had this tool with me then. 

It would have helped me ride the wave with much more grace and ease. 

Thats why I made you this short and sweet video where I share a simple tool for calming your nerves anytime (anywhere) without looking silly. In fact, no one will even know you're doing it. 

So the next time a wave a grief comes up, you'll have a...

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The Easiest Way to Calm Holiday Stress

simple healing tools Nov 29, 2018
 

I made a short and sweet little video for you. 

Let's face it, the holidays can be hard - especially when you're grieving. 

People can be insensitive. 

Songs and smells can trigger memories.

It can feel like you're the only one not enjoying yourself.

That's why I'm giving you this super simple tool that you can use anytime (anywhere) to calm your nerves so that you can get through the holidays with more ease. 

If you liked this, be sure to check out my free course How to Get Through the Holidays with Grace - Even Though You're Grieving

With so much love, 

 

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7 Simple Ideas for Honoring Your Loved One During the Holidays

simple healing tools Nov 21, 2018
 

A made a short and sweet little video for you. 

I wanted to give you 7 simple ideas for honoring your loved one this holiday season so that you can presence them in your heart in beautiful and loving way.

And, so that you don't have to go through the holidays feeling like they've been forgotten by everyone but you...

If you liked this, be sure to check out my free course How to Get Through the Holidays with Grace - Even Though You're Grieving

All my love, 

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Find out what your body is telling you...

simple healing tools Nov 06, 2018

The body is a deep well of wisdom. When you allow yourself to listen, she'll guide you towards your most profound healing. 

I invite you to get still and scan your body for any discomfort. Do this with a sense of compassionate curiosity (not judgement). 

Lovingly note the areas of discomfort and ask yourself the following questions... 

What is your body telling you? 

  • Discomfort in the feet, legs:  Is there anywhere in your life that you feel rigid or stuck? Where are you at in terms of stability?
  • Discomfort in the hips:  Do you have creativity that needs to be expressed?
  • Discomfort in the belly: Is there anywhere in your life that your feel powerless? Or too powerful?
  • Discomfort in the heart/arms: Is there anywhere in your life you can bring in more love, compassion or forgiveness?
  • Discomfort in the back: Is there something in your life that you feel the need to put behind you? Do you feel supported by life?
  • Discomfort in the...
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Rebuild A Life You Can Be Proud Of

real grief moments Oct 30, 2018

The transition into motherhood has not been an easy one for me.

Deep grief over the loss of my own mother bubbled up from places I didn’t even know existed.

Places deep down in my heart and body that I thought had been cleared of grief. Places that I thought were soft and open and ready to take on this new challenge. Places that I had already worked so hard to heal.

The newborn days were glorious. A necessary reprieve for what was about to come. For me, the newborn days were what dreams are made of. Me. My little one. Snuggled up on our cozy couch for hours on end. Basking in the divinity of newness and hope.  

But at 5 months, when he started crawling fast and furious, I knew I was witnessing my new guru in action. A fearless little dude who runs gleefully towards crashing waves, speeding cars, and was “dropping-in” at the skatepark with the teenagers before his second birthday.

Cue:

My giant unhealed fear of losing a loved one.

2.5+ years of night...

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Little Known Ways to Let Go with Ease

simple healing tools Oct 25, 2018

A while back, I was talking to a friend about how to let go of the need to control life which is often easier said then done - especially when we are dealing with stress. And perhaps even more so when dealing with the stress of loss. 

We want to hang on to our lives as they once were, and at the same time, control what will happen next. This is a stress reaction from our 'reptile brain' - that old-school part of our brain that thinks it is responsible for keeping us safe. Back when we were cavewomen on the constant brink of death for any number of reasons, change often equated to death. 

Thankfully, it isn't like that anymore.

But our reptile brain hasn't learned that yet.  In our contemporary world, the "fight, flight, or freeze" auto-response leaves us trying to trying to control life. 

The problem with this is (as you know) change is the only constant and therefore impossible to control. So as we try to control our life (and fail) we only add more stress. And,...

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Who else wants to sleep better?

simple healing tools Oct 17, 2018

When you are grieving, sleep is often a big problem. 

Today I'm going to share with you the one practice that I do (almost) everyday before bed. Even on days where my posture practice or my meditation practice go out the window, this one sticks because it's SO simple. And, it works. 

Right before I go to bed, I take 2 minutes to massage my feet with oil. I usually just use coconut oil (because it's there) but I sometimes add in other essential oils as well. 

This simple practice, ends my day with a small pause, a dose of self love, and a deep sense of grounding. It helps bring my energy out of my busy mind, so I can set myself up for a good night's sleep. 

I invite you to give it a try. If it feels right, try it for at least 21 days to set it up as a new healthy habit. 

Sweet dreams and LOVE, 

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That time I overshared in an interview...

real grief moments Oct 09, 2018

The other day I had the great honour of being interview by Chrissy Anne Hollis for her weekly video series that features women out there trailblazing the new grief paradigm. 

She made me feel so comfortable that I pretty much shared everything. The good, the bad, the ugly and everything in-between. 

I shared about what it was like to tell the person I loved most in the world that he was dying. 

I shared what it was like to need my mom so bad but not have any idea where she was. 

I shared about my mom's drug addiction and the time she offered me a crack-pipe.   I declined, btw. 

I shared how incredibly alone I felt in the aftermath of my boyfriend and mom's death. 

I shared my abandonment issues and what it's like to be a child of suicide. 

I shared my healing journey and how I reclaimed my life. 

I shared it all with the hope that you would see bits of yourself in my words and feel less alone.

I truly believe that if I...

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